Question;
Dear Mark,
Many of my women friend's have said to me directly that there men
friend's, husbands, lover's don't listen to them when the women
share there feelings with them. They feel as if they aren't heard.
Some of my friends feel inadequate as well because there men friends
just give critical analysis and are trying to "fix" them.
The women including myself most of the time don't want to be fixed
they want to be "heard". We can't understand why men are
like this could you give help us with this?
Thank you,
Celine
Answer;
Dear Celine,
This is a well known and typical response from men. So I will share
with you what i know and feel, and remember take what you want and
leave the rest.....
Most
men are brought up to be provider's in the world, They are
brought up to analyze and fix the problems with solutions, they are
brought up with left brain awareness.
Which
means a very logical way to deal with life on life's terms.
Which in its self is a very good way to handle life to a certain
extent. Unfortunately, most problems need also right brain
solutions as well and this is where the women come in or the female
side of everyone's existence to balance the energies in their bodies.
This gives a full view or balance of the situation. I am not
going into anymore details on this we will discuss balance another
time, but now we get into how men and women are brought up.
Men
are brought up to feel anger, but forbidden to feel sadness, fear,
etc. on the other hand most women are brought up to feel sadness and
fear but not anger, this was a taboo for women. So they come
from very different worlds and meet somewhere in the middle.
This way of being brought up creates this lack of understanding in
men. It's not bad it just takes a strong women to let her man
know what she needs and if he is considerate, he will listen but you
have to say the magic words . "Tell hiim how you feel".
Please...... It's not easy but you must be constantly asking for
what you want from him, and not let the old ways of saying nothing
prevail.
Tell
him, "Honey i just want you to listen to me, please no comments
I just want to be heard. I just want to know that you care......."
That's
it. No more. Wow isn't that easy ? Not at all. Because
most men are use to doing one thing, fixing problems, sometimes this
is good, sometimes not so good, sometimes things fix themselves as
if an act of G-d came and took care of it, and that's what happens
most of the time, it's an act of God that fixes all the
problems. Now another bahavior also needs to be changed.
You, meaning the "women" need to assert yourselves
directly to the men, they need to tell there man what they need,
remember we are not mindreaders, we are busy solving problems.
So please tell your man what you NEED and your life will be a lot
easier, at least for one thing your stucking up for yourself.
This is the most important thing you need to do.
Miracles
happen everyday when the words are spoken, remember the phrase Speak
the truth and the truth will set you free..........................
I believe in this.
Also,
I want to share with you, when you tell someone what you want from
them you are putting yourself on the "line", you are
creating INTIMACY. WOW. FANTASTIC. Isn't that what you want
ladies????? I think so.
Now,
for the men, men need to learn to "listen" not judge there
women, let them be where they need to be. This is an act
of love really a part of unconditional love. They need to
learn to just let someone have there voice and not try to solve
there problems, take on there problems, just keep an open mind and
let there women friends voice be heard. Do nothing, stop
thinking that they are god and think they can solve problems 1-2-3.
The funniest thing is women don't want anyone solving there problems
they want to just "VENT". So Celine, your lady
friends have there work cut out for them I wish you all and all of
them a safe and fantastic adventure.
Mark
